Those Phrases given by My Father Which Saved Us during my time as a New Father

"I think I was just trying to survive for a year."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey expected to handle the difficulties of being a father.

But the reality soon turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Serious health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You're not in a good spot. You need support. What can I do to assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While society is now better used to addressing the pressure on moms and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a larger reluctance to open up among men, who often internalise damaging ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright every time."

"It isn't a sign of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially in preference to a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental state is just as important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a pause - taking a couple of days overseas, away from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he had to make a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of caring for a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the expression of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, deep-held trauma caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "poor decisions" when he was younger to change how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You turn to substances that don't help," he explains. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Tips for Coping as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel under pressure, speak to a friend, your spouse or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like you before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Look after the physical stuff - eating well, staying active and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their stories, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - prioritising you is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead give the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - processing the feelings in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they faced their pain, transformed how they communicate, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, at times I believe my role is to teach and advise you how to behave, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."